A year ago I wrote this:

"There's hundreds of people in the group that all think you're fabulous and either want you, want to 
be you, or want to be your friend.

Being you looks pretty fabulous on Facebook and Instagram ... but I know what's really going on. "

I used to take it personally when she wouldn't return calls or texts or make any time for me.
Found out she flipped out and tried to kill herself and vanished.

Posted at at January 30, 2018 on Tuesday, January 30, 2018 by |   | Filed under:


"What happened to you?"

*shuffles feet, looks down*

"I dunno."

Uhhhhmmmm, a bunch of miscreants dared me to go find out where Ice Posedion was live streaming from and to go try to snatch a post-it note with his cell phone number off of his bait phone.

They were claiming they could track down whoever "stole" it and I really wanted to take them up on that challenge.

I woulda been like... "power off, remove SIM card" and then "Suck a dick, dumb shits!"

We had a coordinated effort with the #LRH podcast, I told them I'd seen Brandon getting run over by a minivan on Hollywood Blvd in front of a pizza place and that I knew exactly where that was. So I took off and hung out in that general vicinity. This was one of the sketchier areas with more closed storefronts, more vagrants, and more drug addicts splayed out on the street.

Definitely not the shinier pretty part of the Boulevard where you can take your picture with Mickey and Minney.

It paid off. I saw some dorks pull out a tripod and set up a camera staking out Hollywood and Vine.

My heart started racing.

Holy shit, I had almost pegged them right down to the intersection.

Some dude was a lot faster than I was and he snatched that bitch and he had run about three blocks away in ten seconds flat.

Then I went home and sulked in shame about thirty minutes late for where I was supposed to be.

I had that little voice in the back of my head scolding me: "You're almost 40, what the fuck's the matter with you?"

Then I started giggling when I realized I'm all patched up and about as good as new.

Cue mental image of crawling out from underneath whatever rock I was hiding under and weakly mumbling "YOLO bitches."

But nah, I ain't about to outrun anybody just yet.

I don't have it out for them or anything, I was just feeling mischevious.

They were just doing what they were doing in order to amuse themselves and so was I.

Posted at at January 30, 2018 on by |   | Filed under:


I had an interesting dream I relapsed on broccoli. I was eating fistfuls of steamed broccoli and shoving fistfuls of it into a ziplock bag and hiding it in my hoodie. I didn't feel anything and I totally was like fuck this I'm not telling my sponsor, whom I refer to as Wiccan Ned Flanders.

Posted at at January 26, 2018 on Friday, January 26, 2018 by |   | Filed under:

Things are not all as they seem.


2:18:30: "weev" (Andrew Auerenheimer) comes onto the #LRH higher than a Georgia pine.

2:21:10: "Nobody has led a greater jihad against the internet than me right now."

2:26:10: Describes efforts to manipulate the media into thinking Papa Johns is the "official pizza of white supremacy."

This doesn't even make any sense. But everyone goes hysterical over it for about fifteen minutes and it's all over the news, right? 

[Fox / Newsweek / Huffington Post]

Or, wait, does it make sense?

Weev claims there was a financial motive: To wit, an immediate 13% stock drop resulting in a 350% return on a leveraged option. 

Takeaway #1: It's apparently easy to manipulate the media.

Takeaway #2: You don't necessarily know everyone's motives.

Posted at at January 09, 2018 on Tuesday, January 9, 2018 by |   | Filed under:

The Search for Meaning

“The universe is a cruel uncaring void. The key to being happy isn’t the search for meaning, it’s to just keep yourself busy with unimportant nonsense and soon you’ll be dead.”

Posted at at January 02, 2018 on Tuesday, January 2, 2018 by |   | Filed under:


I was in Belgium last December and somewhere along the line I ended up in Fort Lauderdale for New Years. It was truly God's waiting room for dying gays. Depressing. The same old disco hits they blasted in the bars I worked in day in and day out. On incredibly shitty PA monitors that sounded muffled and had ear-piercing treble. Beer soaked sidewalk. Tacky vinyl tarps and tents. I would have had more fun if I'd just driven the 160 miles to Key West and WENT to the bar I used to work at.

Why, why, why did I think that would be fun?

I ended up leaving that nonsense and driving to Miami for the last AA meeting at Sober on South Beach.

This year I just wanted to stay in bed.

11:37 rolled around and some 25 year old kid I'd talked to on and off asked me to come over. "At least get a new years kiss."

Alright. It's been awhile.

I got over to his grandma's house at 11:55.

Idk where the fuck it was, Asuza or Pomona or something.

You know. Out on 60, who cares?

We talked a few minutes. 12:00 came around. I was nervous.

I don't even know what I'm doing anymore.  I held on to him and we hugged for a long time.

I could tell he needed a hug as badly as I did.

I had a brief mental image of the time I fucked Daniel in the passengers seat.

I kissed him harder.

Posted at at January 02, 2018 on by |   | Filed under: