Maybe.

Interesting collection of characters at the information session.

There was myself, some guy who goes to Al-Anon, a true nut job believer stepper with thirty years, and some lady who provides counseling for young actors who said she would miss working with them.

The facilitator chuckled and said “oh trust me you’re still going to be working with young actors.”

I guess my schpiel was that I used to facilitate groups at a treatment center in Chicago about a decade ago, which I kind of enjoyed, how I “volunteer on” a website with 20,000+ visitors a year in hotline mode where we signpost people to 12-step groups and help them find meetings, and more recently I’d volunteered for Share supervising people on court ordered community service.

I said I had no training and I can’t say that it had ever occurred to me to get into the field as a professional but here we are.

She said “oh good, we’re going to cover a whole bunch of stuff you’re going to love.”

Tuition is somewhere around $5,000.

It came to my attention this week that my former employer added 108 shares of company stock to my brokerage account some time last year.

I executed a trade on some of them worth about $4,900 and I was planning to have the Z4 fixed again.

But meh, fuck that car. Who cares if it sits and rots in a barn in Minnesota for a year.

The stepper was a trip.

One of the things the facilitator mentioned was how AA had been problematic for shunning the mentally ill, and how some AA groups used to tell people they weren’t clean if they were on antipsychotics or antidepressants. Meanwhile various mental health practitioners would get a client reeking of alcohol and go how can I work with this jackass when he’s drunk? He can’t do the work when he’s intoxicated.

We’ll call the 12-step shill Bird Lady.

She indignantly piped up and said that’s absolutely not true in Los Angeles, no one says that.

I hadn’t said much.

I volunteered that Los Angeles was an anomaly because it’s hard to find an actual purebred alcoholic here — you know, with DTs and all — who hasn’t done a little blow or other drugs.

But you go elsewhere in the country and these alcoholics foam at the mouth because you’re not a “real” alcoholic, or you’d done drugs before and they don’t welcome addicts in the meeting.

I’ve been to meetings in at least eight states and yeah I’ve definitely seen some cranks saying people on psychotropic medications are not sober.

I said what are you going to do? Barge in there and shout “this isn’t how we do our meetings in Los Angeles, you’re not doing it right!” You’ve been around thirty years, how does that work out to people.

She agreed “not very well.”

I said the goalposts are moving and now the controversy within NA is over drug substitute programs. You have SAMHSA over here saying that subs are recovery, but then you have NA members screaming no they’re not, and making those people feel unwelcome or like they’re not doing enough.

The facilitator offered that subs have to be monitored by licensed professionals.

I said yeah of course, but things are different today, we have a fentanyl crisis on our hands and one misplaced fleck of that stuff will kill you. I guess I’d rather see someone weaning off on subs than trying to taper off on street drugs.

I’d say it went pretty well.

Other than the Al-Anon barreling out of the parking garage in his SUV and almost running me over after the session.

Leave it to a fucking Al Anon to try to ruin it when I’m having a nice time and enjoying myself!

The sunset was a glorious canvas of purples and reds.

I hopped in my car and Spotify played a track off of the CD I was playing last time I kicked dope.

Posted at at January 31, 2019 on Thursday, January 31, 2019 by |   | Filed under:

Cruel and Unusual Punishment

2:01 PM <Robin_Y> * mould (kiwi@NAChatroom-AFF909D4.in-addr.btopenworld.com) has joined #nachatroom
2:01 PM <Robin_Y> <mould> what about sex magic?
2:01 PM <Robin_Y> <mould> how do i do it?
2:23 PM <Robin_Y> im not sure hes here for the right things
5:46 PM <misterpickles> I’d prefer to punish him by having him date one of the women here instead of banning him

Posted at at January 31, 2019 on by |   | Filed under: ,

Maybe I was right about college being fucking stupid.

I noted that this school has a 43 page handbook explaining where you may and may not park, and it itemizes all the dumb bullshit their glorified mall cops reserve the right to issue you a “citation” for.

I’m not even in the front door yet and I already hate this place.

I’m guessing the Student Handbook is a deuzy with a higher word count than Mein Kampf.

The first thing I noticed was a blood pressure monitor and a defibrillator.

Ok, I must be in the right place. This must be where all the middle aged failures end up.

Where the fuck is the bathroom?

This place is dumb.

Update: I found the bathrooms.

They only accommodate two genders.

I thought this was supposed to be a university in California, reeeeeee.

Posted at at January 31, 2019 on by |   | Filed under:

Sorry, Mom

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe.
She had so many children, she didn't know what to do.
She took three bars of Xanax and poured a tall glass of red;
And said fuck these kids, I’ve had it and I’m going to bed.

Posted at at January 29, 2019 on Tuesday, January 29, 2019 by |   | Filed under:

😱


Posted at at January 28, 2019 on Monday, January 28, 2019 by |   | Filed under:

At least this one can [possibly] spell “platitudes.”

Trying to decide if my counselor (aka supergirl) has completely lost her street cred by claiming you can smoke meth out of a potato, or whether she’s right and I should bow down to my queen. Does anyone have a potato? 🤔

Posted at at January 28, 2019 on by |   | Filed under:

A Rude Awakening

“He picks us up like a needle on a record and puts us in another groove.”

I heard him.

The guy stared at me and asked me if I understood what he meant.

I said “no.”

They were making fun of him outside:

"I just.. can't with him. I had to walk out on him."

I snapped a picture of someone's mean tweet because I was interested but I was only half listening at first and I missed the first part that she tweeted about.

I read her tweet, thought about it for a minute, went back inside, and said “Hey Rainbow?”

“Yeah?”

“God rides me like a hood rat in a stolen Camaro.”

He laughed.

I left.

And then about ten minutes later it clicked.

I went back to that bitchy meeting and raised my hand:

“God rides me like a hood rat in a stolen Camaro.”

A couple of the mean tweet crowd snickered.

I continued:

“He picked me up like a needle on a record and he put me in another groove. Fuck, that made my night."

The chair said “mic drop!” and I left again.


Posted at at January 26, 2019 on Saturday, January 26, 2019 by |   | Filed under:

Supergirls Don’t Cry

One of our facilitators said she wished she had one of supergirl’s abilities:

She put her hand on another participant’s forehead and said something like “Supergirl has the ability to put her hand on your forehead and wipe away a bad memory.”

Then she gave a demonstration.

I just about spit my coffee out:

I use the nick “supergirl” sometimes.

Supergirl DOES have that capability, if she buys a fat sack of special K and puts a bump or two of it on a key for you.

And then there are those of us who don’t need dissociative agents to go all disso on you.

*puts his hand on his own forehead and makes the trauma vanish and the bad people not exist anymore*

I told you I was supergirl.

I may or may not have been responsible for the memory she wished she could erase.


Posted at at January 25, 2019 on Friday, January 25, 2019 by |   | Filed under:

God Loves Betsy

Forgiveness was created for people who don’t deserve it.

God’s grace was created for people who don’t deserve it.

Amazing Grace was about a lost wretch being saved.

This is why it’s transcendental, inexplicable, and miraculous.

Posted at at January 23, 2019 on Wednesday, January 23, 2019 by |   | Filed under: ,

Look at Your Recovery Shine

Update: I'm just going to let you in on a secret: It was Jessie, and I got blamed for everything. Stan and Shiloh were celebrating my apparent imminent death from drugs or AIDS and literally ready to beat my motherfucking ass because Jessie was mouthing off to them.  I started getting screen shots texted to me and I went in to record this.

The statement I made to Robin_Y and censored was "that bitch tryna get me killed." 



I’m not expecting Jessie to defend me by acknowledging this, though TBH she’s a coward if she doesn’t.

Robin_Y can confirm her IP address matched the troll... she's the one one I shared that information with.

Do you guys understand that I can't / won't work under conditions where Stan or Shiloh or anybody else might want me dead just because one of you fuckheads goes in and trolls them and they flip out and think I did it? 

They threatened to send shit to my mother's house, they threatened to take away my "so called business" and on and on and on and on ... and it was fucking JESSIE.

Yes? I am beyond pissed off?

And Stans like “uhhhh, I don’t know what’s going on, robs just being totally unreasonable.”

What the fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m being unreasonable ?!!?!!??!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?!??????

Dude!

ORIGINAL POST:

The moderator team on  [stan's website]  made some violent homophobic threats towards me.

The reason they wanted to "beat my ass" and mocked me for having aids was for someone trolling their site. I got a text message telling me I might want to go and look at what was happening.

I was "woody" in this transcript.

The other one, I determined who she was by comparing her IP address to the address in my logs. 

Read between the lines: They thought she was me.

That's why she ridiculed them for not being smart.

She's the one who said look at your recovery shine, fool. 

And the stuff with CanadianFarmer was directed at Susie.

"How many others has she harmed?"

Want to take a guess who that was? Who hates Susie more than war in this world? 

I could take these people's inventories endlessly -- and believe me, I have.

These assholes have threatened to beat me, sue me, and/or have me put in prison over other parties trolling their website and/or their butthurt over their chatroom bans. 

I just want you to know who they really are.

Here's an excerpt of the stuff they had to say about me:

<Shiloh>  If it was real life we could beat their ass
<Shiloh> and would
*** yoursiteisdone was kicked by Shiloh (Shiloh)
<Shiloh> He's a scrawny diseased little pervert with a short time to live
<Shiloh> Come on Stan...the LAST thing he wants to be is a "Man"
<Shiloh> Unless they can cure aids and other stds his days are numbered anyway. If the drugs don't kill him the disease will
 <Shiloh> He's so fragile now he can hardly type
<Shiloh> He's crap his pants if hhe met either of us on the street
<Shiloh> he can hardly walk
<Shiloh> They say even the other perverts think he's unsafe
<Shiloh> He's scared to stay in one place very long for fear  of real people
<Shiloh> I think ..." among his fellow perverts" he's shunned
<Shiloh>  they want to live
<Shiloh> for a while
 
<Stan> og geezus
<Stan> this is screwed up
<Stan> this fucker never quits
<Stan> he is a pussy doesnt even have the balls to call me even when I said to block his phone number..
<Stan> wait
<Stan> dont kick
+++ Stan has given op to UnderDawg
<Stan> Robert have the fucking balls to call me to peace of slime
<Stan> you are slime
<Stan> fucking pussy
<Stan> recovery my ass you fuck peave of shit
<Stan> come on give me what ever you have
<Stan> I am not like the others and scared of you
<Shiloh> Come on Stan...the LAST thing he wants to be is a "Man"
<Stan> peace of shit
<Stan> fuck you
<Stan> smart??
<Stan> your a dumbass
<Stan> hey havent you noticed I havent really been trying anything on your site? Yeah keep this up and you will find yourself in a court. Remember I have all your info now. I will send everything to your mothers house..
<Stan> and also your so called biz name.. Kiss that goodbye 

Here's a paste of the full transcript:

<UnderDawg> \\/\//elcome to the NA Chat Main Hall SexFiend477!
+++ UnderDawg has given voice to SexFiend477
<thisisfun> false advertising bitches, down right lies. You all need Jesus
<UnderDawg> \\/\//elcome to the NA Chat Main Hall SexFiend656!
+++ UnderDawg has given voice to SexFiend656
<UnderDawg> \\/\//elcome to the NA Chat Main Hall SexFiend815!
+++ UnderDawg has given voice to SexFiend815
<UnderDawg> \\/\//elcome to the NA Chat Main Hall SexFiend285!
+++ UnderDawg has given voice to SexFiend285
<UnderDawg> \\/\//elcome to the NA Chat Main Hall SexFiend556!
+++ UnderDawg has given voice to SexFiend556
<UnderDawg> \\/\//elcome to the NA Chat Main Hall SexFiend780!
+++ UnderDawg has given voice to SexFiend780
<UnderDawg> \\/\//elcome to the NA Chat Main Hall SexFiend613!
+++ UnderDawg has given voice to SexFiend613
<UnderDawg> \\/\//elcome to the NA Chat Main Hall SexFiend173!
+++ UnderDawg has given voice to SexFiend173
<UnderDawg> \\/\//elcome to the NA Chat Main Hall SexFiend639!
+++ UnderDawg has given voice to SexFiend639
<UnderDawg> \\/\//elcome to the NA Chat Main Hall SexFiend880!
+++ UnderDawg has given voice to SexFiend880
<UnderDawg> \\/\//elcome to the NA Chat Main Hall SexFiend039!
+++ UnderDawg has given voice to SexFiend039
<UnderDawg> \\/\//elcome to the NA Chat Main Hall SexFiend041!
+++ UnderDawg has given voice to SexFiend041
<UnderDawg> \\/\//elcome to the NA Chat Main Hall SexFiend601!
+++ UnderDawg has given voice to SexFiend601
<UnderDawg> \\/\//elcome to the NA Chat Main Hall Hyjinx!
+++ UnderDawg has given voice to Hyjinx
<UnderDawg> \\/\//elcome to the NA Chat Main Hall SexFiend861!
+++ UnderDawg has given voice to SexFiend861
<UnderDawg> \\/\//elcome to the NA Chat Main Hall SexFiend494!
+++ UnderDawg has given voice to SexFiend494
<UnderDawg> \\/\//elcome to the NA Chat Main Hall SexFiend154!
+++ UnderDawg has given voice to SexFiend154
<UnderDawg> \\/\//elcome to the NA Chat Main Hall Nae!
+++ UnderDawg has given voice to Nae
<Nae> Thank you good to be back
<UnderDawg> \\/\//elcome to the NA Chat Main Hall SexFiend619!
+++ UnderDawg has given voice to SexFiend619
<UnderDawg> \\/\//elcome to the NA Chat Main Hall SexFiend902!
+++ UnderDawg has given voice to SexFiend902
<UnderDawg> \\/\//elcome to the NA Chat Main Hall SexFiend038!
+++ UnderDawg has given voice to SexFiend038
<UnderDawg> \\/\//elcome to the NA Chat Main Hall yallsuck!
+++ UnderDawg has given voice to yallsuck
--- Stan has banned *!*sex*@*
<UnderDawg> \\/\//elcome to the NA Chat Main Hall SexFiend678!
+++ UnderDawg has given voice to SexFiend678
<UnderDawg> \\/\//elcome to the NA Chat Main Hall S3xFiend829!
+++ UnderDawg has given voice to S3xFiend829
<yallsuck> haha
<Stan> fuck you
<Stan> asshole
<UnderDawg> \\/\//elcome to the NA Chat Main Hall S3xFiend986!
+++ UnderDawg has given voice to S3xFiend986
+++ Stan set the channel to mode +i
<yallsuck> how many tits does susie have
*** yallsuck was kicked by Stan (Stan)
<Shiloh> Hi Stan
+++ Stan has taken voice from Freedom
+++ Stan has taken voice from nun
+++ Stan has taken voice from woody
+++ Stan set the channel to mode -i
<UnderDawg> \\/\//elcome to the NA Chat Main Hall S3xFiend972!
+++ UnderDawg has given voice to S3xFiend972
<UnderDawg> \\/\//elcome to the NA Chat Main Hall S3xFiend844!
+++ UnderDawg has given voice to S3xFiend844
<UnderDawg> \\/\//elcome to the NA Chat Main Hall S3xFiend116!
+++ UnderDawg has given voice to S3xFiend116
+++ Stan has taken op from UnderDawg
+++ Stan has given voice to CanadianFarmer
<Stan> Hi CF
<CanadianFarmer> she said she felt an instant connection to me, how many others has she harmed
<CanadianFarmer> truthfully
<Shiloh> ?
<Stan> og geezus
<Shiloh> Who?
<Shiloh> Nancy Pelosi?
*** softylikewoody was kicked by Shiloh (Shiloh)
<Stan> this is screwed up
<Shiloh> Yep
<Stan> this fucker never quits
*** spongelikeshiloh was kicked by Shiloh (Shiloh)
<Shiloh> We do what we can
<Shiloh>  If it was real life we could beat their ass
<Shiloh> and would
*** yoursiteisdone was kicked by Shiloh (Shiloh)
<Stan> he is a pussy doesnt even have the balls to call me even when I said to block his phone number..
<Shiloh> He's a scrawny diseased little pervert with a short time to live
<woody> im not even doing this, im robert. i dont know who THAT is.
<Stan> wait
Cannot send to channel: #NAChatHall
<Stan> dont kick
+++ Stan has given op to UnderDawg
<UnderDawg> \\/\//elcome to the NA Chat Main Hall cantkeepmeout!
+++ UnderDawg has given voice to cantkeepmeout
<UnderDawg> \\/\//elcome to the NA Chat Main Hall S3xFiend166!
+++ UnderDawg has given voice to S3xFiend166
<UnderDawg> \\/\//elcome to the NA Chat Main Hall S3xFiend115!
+++ UnderDawg has given voice to S3xFiend115
<cantkeepmeout> fried cat for lunch
<Stan> Robert have the fucking balls to call me to peace of slime
<cantkeepmeout> what did he call you
<Stan> you are slime
<cantkeepmeout> i call betsy cat hair
<Stan> fucking pussy
<cantkeepmeout> wow look at your recovery shine
<cantkeepmeout> fool
<Stan> recovery my ass you fuck peave of shit
<Stan> come on give me what ever you have
<cantkeepmeout> lol simmer down clown
<Stan> I am not like the others and scared of you
<Shiloh> Come on Stan...the LAST thing he wants to be is a "Man"
<cantkeepmeout> haha or as smart i see
<Stan> peace of shit
<Stan> fuck you
<Stan> smart??
<cantkeepmeout> lmmfao
<Stan> your a dumbass
<cantkeepmeout> stfushiloh dont you have dishes to do
<cantkeepmeout> another generation to ruin
<Shiloh> Unless they can cure aids and other stds his days are numbered anyway. If the drugs don't kill him the disease will
<cantkeepmeout> get busy
<cantkeepmeout> Youve got aids
 <Shiloh> He's so fragile now he can hardly type
<cantkeepmeout> but you wont kill me
<cantkeepmeout> you mean can't
<Shiloh> He's crap his pants if hhe met either of us on the street
<cantkeepmeout> get skooled
<Stan> hey havent you noticed I havent really been trying anything on your site? Yeah keep this up and you will find yourself in a court. Remember I have all your info now. I will send everything to your mothers house..
<Shiloh> he can hardly walk
<cantkeepmeout> hahaha go ahead fred
<Shiloh> They say even the other perverts think he's unsafe
<Stan> and also your so called biz name.. Kiss that goodbye
<cantkeepmeout> you should know shiloh, guess what they say about you
<cantkeepmeout> hahaha
<cantkeepmeout> hahaha
<cantkeepmeout> pansies
<Stan> yeah look whos talking
<cantkeepmeout> wheres slutty
<UnderDawg> \\/\//elcome to the NA Chat Main Hall woody_!
+++ UnderDawg has given voice to woody_
<Shiloh> He's scared to stay in one place very long for fear  of real people
<woody_> y'all. im robert. ive been in here as woody this whole time. thats not me. 
<woody_> i recorded everything
<woody_> and im blogging it
<cantkeepmeout> shiloh stfu you aren't real, only real small
<woody_> my cell carrier is sprint
<woody_> thats at&t
<woody_> thats not me
<Shiloh> I think ..." among his fellow perverts" he's shunned
<Shiloh>  they want to live
<Shiloh> for a while
<woody_> you homophobic
*** cantkeepmeout was kicked by Stan (Stan)
*** woody_ was kicked by Stan (Stan)
*** woody was kicked by Stan (Stan)
!!! You have been kicked from #NAChatHall

Posted at at January 23, 2019 on by |   | Filed under:

Helpdesk

”I set your temporary password to 12345.”

“That’s it? 12345?”

“Yes.”

“12345? That’s the same password I have on my pussy!”

“That was rude.” *click*

Posted at at January 20, 2019 on Sunday, January 20, 2019 by |   | Filed under:

Runnin

My therapist asked me if I’ve ever considered becoming a counselor before.

Why not, therapists are some of the most screwed up people I’ve ever met.

I wanted to say, no, not really? But as I left his office I saw a single book on his shelf: “The Theory and Practice of Group Psychotherapy.”

Maybe I did think about that once. I excerpted a chapter intro from it here before.

I can’t think of a better way to get even with Shiloh than to recover and do well and perhaps even pluck queers and transgenders and HIV positive men and women just like me out of the garbage.🖕🏻

No, I was not considering that.

Maybe I needed to be slapped around a little bit with some scumbag saying I deserve to die because I’m queer and have this fucking disease, to say “yes” to the universe on this one.

I was cynical about the reason I was invited back to group.

But I said I’d grab a hold of that hand and try to remember to say “thank you.”

I still think the silver paint around my nostrils would have been hilarious but I’ll behave.


Posted at at January 19, 2019 on Saturday, January 19, 2019 by |   | Filed under: