What were the skies like when you were young?

They went on forever – They - When I w- We lived in Arizona, and the skies always had little fluffy clouds in 'em, and, uh... they were long... and clear and... there were lots of stars at night. And, uh, when it would rain, it would all turn - it- They were beautiful, the most beautiful skies as a matter of fact. Um, the sunsets were purple and red and yellow and on fire, and the clouds would catch the colours everywhere. That's uh, neat 'cause I used to look at them all the time, when I was little. You don't see that. You might still see them in the desert.

Posted at at September 19, 2019 on Thursday, September 19, 2019 by |   | Filed under:

Fentanyl for the Soul

I escaped from the clutches of some holy rolling treatment center in Arizona.

“Jesus is Fentanyl for my soul!”

“Give him 40 CC’s — Christ Conquers!”

Couple other ones I hope I remember whenever the seroquel wears off. That shit needs to use “Goodnight, Cruel World” as a marketing slogan.

I guess I’m dense. They kept talking about suiciding me and I half expected some sinister figure to approach me and say “Hillary Clinton sends her regards” before bashing me with a dumbbell or whatever.

They meant suicide precautions.

Oh, whew. Glad we cleared that up.


*backs slowly towards the door*

This nurse was going to refuse to give my my heart and HIV meds to make an example of me for being late for medication.

I wanted to punch a wall or flip over the medication cart and throw it at her. And there are people I’ve known my whole life who’ve never seen me raise my voice or lose my temper.

The next day I pointed out that they’d release the fucking hounds to remind everyone to attend AA, but that as a licensed medical facility they were dead set against reminding people to take medications.

The place is designed like a fucking casino. Why the fuck would anyone have any concept of time in there?

They quickly changed some policies and started announcing medication times on the PA.

Speaking of the F word, their thing was clean language, clean living.

I tried to come up with a little song:

“Frack frack frack a duck... say how do you do to a kangaroo? Say good morning gang to the orangutans, let’s play legos at the zoo!”

I stayed sane by leaving voicemails for Chris with way better stuff.

Like the song “Fever:”

When I put my load inside you,
I’ll give you an H - I - V scare!
When you put your legs around me,
I’m gonna put it in and pump you bare
We’re smoking Tina!
In the morning,
Tina all through the night!

I had fun with the residents at least.

Two of them were playing Zombie on the guitar. The Guy Who Never Says Anything snuck up on them and sang it.

I bonded with the other gay Eskimo in our tribe.

He talked about how the gay meetings were all toxic here, too.

Et tu, Brujas?

Straight AA meetings are toxic as fuck, too.

So I’m sitting there in my Britney Spears T-shirt making penises out of play-doh and sticking the bendy figurine’s legs behind his head.

This volcanic bitch asks me if I’m re-living the trauma of my addiction. I lost it and just about cried laughing.

I signed out against medical advice. Frack that place.

A few of the staff came by to tell me I’m probably going to relapse.

I so love it when Christians share the Good News with me.

The last straw was this dickbag with Ed Hardy tattoos snarling at me and saying my inventory was correct and that they do not have two car keys, as I’ve repeatedly told them they have.

Then the other guy goes “no, he’s right, we have two.”

20% of the unit had completed their program MORE THAN ONCE and here they are again so fuck right off and curve me with that shit.

Just another also-ran rehab scam that regurgitates BillShit and charges your insurance $3000+ a day for it.

Posted at at September 17, 2019 on Tuesday, September 17, 2019 by |   | Filed under:


Jacob: “Do you want these? They’re brand new. They’re a size ten and a half, but I wear a twelve.”

“Uh, sure. What’s with the blood though?

“Some motherfucker I stomped out.”

Posted at at September 14, 2019 on Saturday, September 14, 2019 by |   | Filed under:

Doctor Rob’s Nightmare: The Hallucinogenic Chicken Salad Sandwich

The shhhh becomes a zzzzzzhhhhhhh
There’s the sensation of a square wheel spinning slowly, clockwise in front of my mind
In the beginning,
In the beginning,
There was a sound.
The wheel is the energy of my mind
Square shaped
Landing on each side

Posted at at September 13, 2019 on Friday, September 13, 2019 by |   | Filed under:

Loving you through all of your human problems exhausts me

These are wounds, not scars
It will only be a scar when it stops bleeding, stops hurting
You can forget about scars
But you cannot forget about wounds
Everyone meets the injured with sympathy or disgust
Do you need a tissue?
No, I need stitches.

— Brother Ali

Posted at at September 09, 2019 on Monday, September 9, 2019 by |   | Filed under:


the difference
between a kaleidoscope and a telescope;

is that the telescope:
shows you reality from a distance

and the kaleidoscope:
shows you a distance from reality

Posted at at September 07, 2019 on Saturday, September 7, 2019 by |   | Filed under:

Everywhere is my Bathroom

Some say that a toilet is a fundamental right
But McDonald’s lobby closes at 10 o clock at night
No Public Restrooms in the grocery store
I hear someone pissing all over the floor

I stared at him in horror
And my eyes got real big,
“Why not head over to Folsom
To find a watersports pig?”

A gentleman joins him and I avert my eyes:
“You must be new here,” he impatiently sighs
He squats down on Market and shits on the street
And some of it splashes all over my feet

I head to the Tenderloin ,
Near Felt and Van Ness
I’m trying to find an alley
To leave a big wet brown mess

Some junkie is watching, I expect him to cringe
He says I just left a hypodermic syringe
In my steaming hot offering
Under the Alvord Lake Bridge

I demand to see the mayor of this urine soaked town
(No problem sir, she will be right down)
Ms Mayor, I beseech you, this has gone way too far
She says “Try Uber Toilet, you just shit in the car!”

They’ll send one to you,
wherever you are:
You can leave them a tip,
and they’ll tweeze your brown star!

No thank you, I prefer to squat on a bowl
And wipe my bottom clean with a soft Charmin roll
Your sanitation problem is out of control,
I will see myself out of this filthy shithole

Posted at at September 07, 2019 on by |   | Filed under:

Standing on the Edge of the Planet

If you love somebody, set them free.

If you hate somebody, set them free.

Never mind, set everybody free: 

People are fucking stupid.

My life doesn’t scream of abundance but I had enough to share with others.

I always said I have everything that I need and a whole bunch of shit I don’t need.

Often times just enough for the both of us.

I’m asking strangers for simple stuff like taking a shower.

And I’m just hoping they do the once over and don’t think I’m a total piece of shit.

Never accept a meal from someone who will brag about feeding you.

It would mean more to me if you decided I’m an alright guy all on your own.

Posted at at September 06, 2019 on Friday, September 6, 2019 by |   | Filed under:

Indoctrination Camp

It’s quite a remarkable accomplishment for someone to emerge from college even dumber than they were when they went in.

Especially a dumb plastic bitch like Kylon Hooks.

I realize then and there that I’m muttering “dumb plastic bitch” out loud as I’m typing at the gas pump.

Some goth guy emerged from the other side of the pump, folded his arms, and scowled at me.

What’re you going to do? Stab me with your eyeliner?

Posted at at September 02, 2019 on Monday, September 2, 2019 by |   | Filed under: